The Marriage Mirage

I'm going to start out by painting an oddly familiar picture of what often occurs in the typical heterosexual relationship:

Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out, girl accepts. One date turns into two, two into three, three into more, and soon the relationship becomes exclusive. Boy struggles to keep things "casual" in an attempt to keep girl off the topic of marriage. Girl can only date boy for so long before she becomes irritated by his lack of commitment. Girl brings up marriage, boy continues to try to avoid the topic at all costs. Boy may even decide to leave relationship in an attempt to keep himself from feeling "boxed in."

Alright, we've all seen this. Maybe some have even experienced it. What's interesting about this commonly occurring situation is that, statistically speaking, the role of girl and boy should probably switch.

Why? You might ask. Well it's actually pretty simple: Men are happier when they are married and women are happier when they are not. In fact, married women tend to experience more depression and more marital dissatisfaction. According to Jesse Bernard (as paraphrased in McGoldrick & Carter, 2005):

"...marriage produces such profound discontinuities in the lives of women as to constitute a genuine health hazard. In spite of the wide-spread cultural stereotypes that marriage is something men should dread and fear, all the research supports the opposite- that in every way marriage improves a man's mental health while in almost every way, mentally, physically, and even in crime statistics, single women are healthier than married women."

Furthermore, the statistics for women in traditional marital relationships are even more bleak. Women who assume the traditional gender roles of mother and homemaker have even "poorer health, lower self-esteem, less autonomy, and poorer marital adjustment than women in more equal relationships."

The statistics are clear: men are happier married and women are happier single. But what we are not entirely sure of is why.

Well, let's explore one of the more accepted explanations. 70% of women of working age are in the workforce with full-time jobs. This statistic includes more than half of mothers who have a child under the age of 6. Here we see two roles that women are often expected to take on: the role of mommy and the role of money maker. Add a third role of housekeeper and you have one busy, and probably overwhelmed woman. According to Miller, Perlman, and Brehm, even when mothers have similar jobs and work responsibilities outside the home, they are likely to do twice as many household chores as their husbands. No wonder women aren't happy spouses.

Okay, so that's one theory- the most accepted one. Anyone else have any ideas?

The point of this discussion was to challenge the society views marriage for men and women. Statistically speaking, men should be the ones chasing after the commitment and women should be the phobics. Or maybe we should focus on gender equality so that both the sexes can find marital bliss (or at least satisfaction!).

References Used: Miller, Perlman, & Brehm, 2007: "Intimate Relationships."
Carter & McGoldrick, 2005: "The Expanded Family Life Cycle."

The GenderBender- New Movements in Sexuality

My first exposure to the PANSEXUAL movement occurred while watching a Sex and the City episode. After watching it, I quickly forgot the notion until a few months ago while discussing sexuality in one of my graduate classes. During this discussion, special attention was paid to those who consider themselves gay, lesbian, straight, and bi, but what about other sexual orientations?


In today's American culture, most of us reside under the notion that sexuality doesn't exist on a continuum, but occurs in discrete and identifiable patterns. Generally we recognize three patterns of sexual attraction: heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. In the 1940s, a man named Alfred Kinsey (et. al), challenged the way society thought about sexuality. He introduced the idea of a sexual continuum on which all people exist. Needless to say, not all individuals were accepting of Kinsey's ideas. Here is a graphic representation of Kinsey's continuum:

Here's a copy of the rating scale criteria:
0- Exclusively heterosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual

Where do you exist?

(http://www.uis.edu/studentaffairs/safezone/resources/documents/sexuality%20continuum.pdf)

Alright, it's easy enough to say we all exist somewhere on this continuum, but what happens when you remove gender from the equation altogether? Suddenly gay and straight have become irrelevant. This idea is what the term Pansexual refers to. With the removal of gender as a consideration for attraction, the individual is free to feel attraction to the individual- regardless of gender. Oh what freedom! (and impending confusion...) But, what if the individual was free to exist outside of the sexual box?

I move on to the next interesting movement: Asexuality. Many of us feel sexual attraction to a specific gender, or, in the case of the pansexual, to compatible individuals. Those who are asexual are simply not interested in sex, and therefore, do not experience sexual desire. Such people may be interested in forming sex-less romantic relationships or may rely on a close group of friends for support. According to AVEN (The Asexual Visibility and Education Network), asexual individuals may consider themselves gay, lesbian, bi, or straight in their attraction to others but do not wish to form sexual relationships with these individuals.

None of this is to say that the asexual does not experience sexual arousal. However, arousal is not directed at another partner. For more information on Asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org/

What's the point of this discussion? Well it's a challenge to think outside the box when it comes to sexuality. It's a challenge to look at yourself on the sexual continuum in a non-defensive way; to understand that all people have their own attractive attributes regardless of gender.

Comments are encouraged =)