The Marriage Mirage

I'm going to start out by painting an oddly familiar picture of what often occurs in the typical heterosexual relationship:

Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out, girl accepts. One date turns into two, two into three, three into more, and soon the relationship becomes exclusive. Boy struggles to keep things "casual" in an attempt to keep girl off the topic of marriage. Girl can only date boy for so long before she becomes irritated by his lack of commitment. Girl brings up marriage, boy continues to try to avoid the topic at all costs. Boy may even decide to leave relationship in an attempt to keep himself from feeling "boxed in."

Alright, we've all seen this. Maybe some have even experienced it. What's interesting about this commonly occurring situation is that, statistically speaking, the role of girl and boy should probably switch.

Why? You might ask. Well it's actually pretty simple: Men are happier when they are married and women are happier when they are not. In fact, married women tend to experience more depression and more marital dissatisfaction. According to Jesse Bernard (as paraphrased in McGoldrick & Carter, 2005):

"...marriage produces such profound discontinuities in the lives of women as to constitute a genuine health hazard. In spite of the wide-spread cultural stereotypes that marriage is something men should dread and fear, all the research supports the opposite- that in every way marriage improves a man's mental health while in almost every way, mentally, physically, and even in crime statistics, single women are healthier than married women."

Furthermore, the statistics for women in traditional marital relationships are even more bleak. Women who assume the traditional gender roles of mother and homemaker have even "poorer health, lower self-esteem, less autonomy, and poorer marital adjustment than women in more equal relationships."

The statistics are clear: men are happier married and women are happier single. But what we are not entirely sure of is why.

Well, let's explore one of the more accepted explanations. 70% of women of working age are in the workforce with full-time jobs. This statistic includes more than half of mothers who have a child under the age of 6. Here we see two roles that women are often expected to take on: the role of mommy and the role of money maker. Add a third role of housekeeper and you have one busy, and probably overwhelmed woman. According to Miller, Perlman, and Brehm, even when mothers have similar jobs and work responsibilities outside the home, they are likely to do twice as many household chores as their husbands. No wonder women aren't happy spouses.

Okay, so that's one theory- the most accepted one. Anyone else have any ideas?

The point of this discussion was to challenge the society views marriage for men and women. Statistically speaking, men should be the ones chasing after the commitment and women should be the phobics. Or maybe we should focus on gender equality so that both the sexes can find marital bliss (or at least satisfaction!).

References Used: Miller, Perlman, & Brehm, 2007: "Intimate Relationships."
Carter & McGoldrick, 2005: "The Expanded Family Life Cycle."